My darling 'H',
How time seems to fly between our correspondence! I always look forward to seeing your emails in my box. It's about the only thing that gets delivered to my box these days, but I have a feeling that may be about to change!
Your poor wiener!! So much action trying to find a suitable cover! Does all this fonding and moulding of attachments make you aroused? I would have to have a wank every few minutes while I was attaching a fake foreskin, or I'd explode! I always was a sensitive thing down there! :-)
I agree about Mt Rushmore. It's not made clear by the media that it is in fact a man-made attraction. I had a photo shoot there a few years back, and only then did I realise that it was carved by humans out of the stone!
In actual fact, it took so long and so many craftsman to create it that evidence of their heartache, blood, sweat, tears and toil can still be seen today. In the corner of my eye during the shoot I saw several piles of human bones with little ancient, dusty tool belts, monocles and chisels crumpled into the soil. There's no doubt date back to the late 1800's!! You could tell because there was also an old fashioned corset and bustle on one of the skeletons with a curly flowing wig and parasol. Unless it was a character from the recent TV show 'Little Britain' I'm sure it was a genteel lady of a bygone era who perished on the mountain top alongside her beloved craftsman husband who was overcome by the elements.
Things have gone from bad to worse on 'America's Next Top Model'. We had a photo shoot trial in Thailand last week. (Hence the reason for not replying to your fabulous email so soon). It had the potential to be so great, but ended up being a disaster!!!
Let me set the scene: The challenge was to look 'fierce' in the forests of northern Thailand while riding on the back of an elephant. Remembering my years as a gymnast back in high school, the fact we had no harnesses and could only hold tight with the power of our thighs around the gentle beasts neck and ears, I thought this wouldn't be as hard as some of the other girls expected.
WRONG: What I didn't know was that it was another swimwear shoot!!! WHY! I think they're doing it on purpose to make me prove a point to me..... I'm determined to win, so I got out the tape, tucked my one eyed trouser python and his 2 round friends between my legs, and slid into a particularly stunning teal blue metallic one piece with a plunging neckline that went straight down to below my belly button... ('H', It was so spectacular, really bringing out the blue of my eyes, and complimenting my golden Mexican skin beautifully! I can't wait to show you some of the shots!!)
That's not the worse of it They were also filming us reciting lines for a 'Cover girl' commercial. So I was filmed while the elephant was walking through the jungle and telling the camera about the 'nice and easy, bright and breezy beautiful Covergirl cosmetics' concentrating on saying these lines without my thick Amish, Chihuahua accent coming through so I sounded poised, AND concentrating on grasping to the elephant with my thighs and not sliding off, that I didn't realise my testicles had popped out of the side of the swimsuit breaking free of the tape. The tension in my thigh muscles must have snapped the tape!!
It still gets worse.... As we were silently walking through the Thai jungle, the elephant walked too far to the right, and through some low hanging tree branches that smacked me in the face and brushed over my with such force that it dropped the lovely surprise that was hiding in it's foliage.... A nest of giant red ants!!!! I was showered with these evil red biting insects while talking about the 'fluid matt coverage of the foundation' to the camera. The camera didn't pick up the ants, so kept filming...
And yes.... it still gets worse. While trying to compose myself after the beating in the face by trees, and not itch like a monkey with fleas while the ants were biting my red, swollen skin, the elephant decides it's time for a drink and a swim.... He plods over to the picturesque river nearby, and collapses into the water, rolls from side to side, sucks up a huge trunk of water and showers me with it! Yes, visually it was amazing, but I have to be honest, I was dieing!! I couldn't feel my leg muscles, the ant stings were starting to swell up, and my mascara was dripping down my face from the elephant shower.
All this going on, and in the corner of my eye I see a whole bus load of Japanese tourists on a small bridge crossing the stream. They're talking photo after photo with their Canon Zoom lenses of the scene, but FOCUSING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS! The angle of the elephant in relation to the bridge meant they had full view of my love apples bobbing around on the elephant like a couple of yoyos on a short string!!
I spent the next week soothing my injuries and tracking down the Japanese tourists to Phi Phi island in the south. I travelled down there in the back of a tuk-tuk (bloody thing took 2 days alone for the journey, and nearly killed me when it collided with an octopus ball cart!!) When I found them, I posed as a maid at the hotel they were staying in and made sure I took every roll of film from the cameras and bags in their rooms. I also wrote down their addresses, and will send them the rolls from their trip that didn't have my genital photos. One thing I am not, and will never be is a thief!! I only want to protect my future, not become a criminal.
Don't forget... stay safe! Reply soon, so I know you're ok and no one has murdered you in the night while you're sleeping rough!
Well my love, it's goodnight from me, and as always, I'll sign off with a high pitched Mexican Amish.. 'AAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE'!!!!!.
All my love, SS xxxxxxxxx
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