Sunday`s first email to Hector

Dear 'H',

As always, it's such a treat to hear from you. You know I really worry about you traveling the world all by yourself. Not knowing where you're going to end up may sound romantic, but you know I do worry, and can't sleep soundly unless I know that you're safe. I can't help it... It's the maternal instinct in me kicking into action. :-)

Speaking of which, I can't believe you saw me in the pharmacy buying the test last month. I'm glad you didn't come up to me and ask at the time. It was a very harrowing time for me which resulted in a lot of sadness.

As you know I come from such a big family. (Thanks to our deep seeded religious beliefs and lack of contraception!) Helping to raise my 25 younger siblings made me realise at a young age that I would love to have children of my own one day. Even with my disability, I always hoped that someone would see past the freak show, see the real me, want to share my life and start a family one day. I see why you thought I might be able to help myself out in that department. It's a common misconception. :-)

I have all female reproductive organs (uterus, vagina, ovaries etc) in addition to this I also have a penis and scrotum (as you've seen!) but sadly my testicles don't produce sperm. After years of ejaculating puffs of smelly air instead of creamy love juice, this lack of fertility didn't come as a surprise to me. The only thing I could've impregnated would be Casper the friendly ghost!! :-)

The sad ending to this story is that I knew I couldn't impregnate myself, but in my heart I thought I could be a mother. I had hired a very understanding and sympathetic Gigolo names 'Deuce Bigalow' while on an America's Next Top Model shoot in Budapest a few months ago. In a hope to get pregnant, I asked him to ride my pussy bareback, taking me from behind while I pulled myself off from the front.

Not long after, my periods stopped and I prayed to god that all my dreams of becoming a mother had come true. The test from the chemist was negative, but I went to the Doctor just to be sure. After several very intrusive and humiliating tests, the results came back. I was told that due to the high levels of testosterone in my system, I would never be able to reproduce. My penis is shooting fart gas, but at least I can see and smell the abnormal function. Instead of an egg from my ovaries I produce a dusty little particle during ovulation, a bit like a hundreds and thousands ball, and about as fertile as one too.

I'm as baron as the Sahara... I'll never have my own 'mini-me' to love me unconditionally.

Enough about me... What about you? It's a good thing you ate the luncheon meat foreskin, if you hadn't, a rodent or vagrant would've found it and had a tasty snack. Better you who takes care not to cause any more damage than someone so hungry they'd maybe eat the rest of your willy as well and turn you into a Eunuch!!

Have you tried 'fuzzy felt'? You know the toy you used to be able to create pictures and scenes from in the 70's? Maybe a small felt cut out of 'Jesus in the manger' would do the trick. Should be about the right shape and colour too!

What a weird find on your phone!! Not only the horrible photos, but also that she was so proud she wanted to share it with family members!! Well, well... She thinks she's flexible and can take a wide load. I bet she doesn't know she's up against you!

We all remember our days in College when you managed to fit an entire family sized, plastic 3 litre bottle of Passiona up your ass! It's a shame we thought about the entry, but not the exit and had to rush you to hospital after we couldn't get it out again!! Next time, maybe if we empty it first we can get more grip to pull it back out.

At last now we can laugh about it! I loved how you explained the brown 'dirty protest' all over your dorm room walls and made excuses to Howell your room mate!! He had no idea what we were up to!! Home Economics assignment my ass!! (pardon the pun!!) Thank god he never tasted the mess after we told him we'd left the chocolate mousse mixture on the stove for too long and it had exploded! If he did taste it, at least that would help explain why you failed that course! hahahahaha! Oh well..

Anyway 'H' my love, I'll say farewell once again. We have eliminations with Tyra on America's Next Top Model, so I'd better get some rest and look fresh. I think I'll be ok this week. I won the posing challenge and had pretty good comments from the photographers about my pictures taken underwater. Luckily I can hold my breathe for 10 minutes! I nailed this week I'm sure!! :-)

Be safe, and don't forget to write soon to let me know you're ok!

All my love, your one and only, Sunday Sanchez... Mmmwwwwaaahhhh!! xxxxxxxxx